The Latest Greatest Jobs

Sifting through various job boards and help wanted ads is exhausting. That’s why Get A Job Loser will do it for you. I’m searching anyway, so let me find the best jobs for you.

1.Captain of The Duck: Sure, they’ve recently been victimized by an arson attack, but nothing can be more enjoyable than driving tourists around town, blaring bad music and harassing people with jobs that pay far more. They’re hiring. It’s $16 an hour and boating experience is required. After all, The Duck travels on land and water.

2. Balloon Twister: Basically, you make balloon animals for kids at various restaurants. You work off tips, but if the tips don’t add up to $12 an hour they’ll pay you the difference. No experience required, but there will be a thorough background check.

3. Goat Milker: This job posting has been removed from Craigslist, but I’d like to know who snatched this away from me before I could apply. It pays minimum wage and the only requirement is you have to be under 5’10.” You’re going to like the goats a lot more than you like all those annoying people muttering in the cubicles around you.

4. Mock Juror: If you enjoy getting paid for mocking things, especially for attorneys, you can get $75 per day to pretend to be a juror. Not bad.

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